October 2011 - Rants

David Stern and company Posted by: Like it or not

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Before I get into this, let me say this: I get it, nobody cares about the NBA except for me, Bill Simmons, and that crazy guy at the gym. However, let me also say this - go back and check the ratings for the last 5 years and what do you see? The NBA finals are watched by more people than MLB. I have a friend in the league office, he told me, "We're closing the financials on last year. It was by far our most profitable year ever (from a league office perspective) view more..

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Autumn in New England Posted by: VoxFerus

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Ah, October; the fresh smells of the fall, the fading memories of summer. Outside the scent of the season's first hearth fires fill the air. A slight gust of wind, and gold and orange leaves float to the ground accompanied by snow and ice dropping from ovhead wires. The trees sag under the weight of fresh, wet snow. Looking up, you duck to avoid the tree branch come crushing down under the weight of the snow, and dodge the bricks of ice tumbling your way. The c view more..

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Boo Humbug Posted by: axb227

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She's got the red horns atop her head, pointy tail round back, cape, pitchfork, red face...the whole nine yards. She the devil...it's the perfect Halloween costume! Only problem? She's in her mid thirties. When the hell (get it, hell) did it become the norm for adults to dress up for Halloween? This is a KIDS holiday!

Every October more and more people ask me, "hey what are you going to be for Halloween?" And there's a very simple answer: "Nothing! view more..

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It's snowing in October!!! Posted by: Laura

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It's snowing...the roads are crazy slippery, the wind is howling, lights are flickering, branches and trees falling. IT"S OCTOBER!!!!!

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Limitations of Science: The Flintstone Effect Posted by: VoxFerus

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Modern science still can't determine what went wrong in the brains of those who believe dinosaurs roamed the earth with human beings.

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Hoist With Their Own Petard Posted by: Flo

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The Cause: :Alabama has the most restrictive immigration law in the country. Police are required to check the citizenship of anyone stopped for a traffic violation. Anyone without proof of citizenship or of being in the country legally is to be jailed.

The Reaction: Many, many immigrants, legal and otherwise have left Alabama.

The Result: Crops are rotting in the fields because farmers can't find enough people capable and willing to do the backbre view more..

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The Frontrunner Posted by: VoxFerus

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So Herman Cain's new ad features his chief of staff defiantly puffing on a cigarette. Why not just pass out those t-shirts that say "I'm With Stupid"?!

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Stop the madness. Posted by: axb227

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The picture says it all.

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Old Female Perverts -___- Posted by: Holyboy43

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I live on a street practically filled with old men and women. The old guys usually leave me alone, but the women are a diffrent story. To them, I'm like a freaking porn star. I'm starting to wonder if they actually just go to one of their friends house and watch me as a come down the street. One day, I'm just gonna get really pissed and tell 'em to keep it to theirselves. If they did that i would have no problem with them but when I'm coming from a basketball game view more..

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The Show Was Good, The Audience Not So Much. Posted by: Flo

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I went to the theater the other night, saw a pretty good musical comedy. My problem is with the audience. Each time any actor who is vaguely known from some old TV show made his/her initial entrance, the audience would start clapping which required the actor to stand there waiting for the applause to stop, interrupting the flow of the show not to mention the comic timing.

Also, when did a standing ovation become mandatory? Every time I go to the theater view more..

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Get a dog! Posted by: Laura

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How is it possible that in 2011 we allow people - usually disturbed people - to have wild animals living on their property. This latest episode has me really upset. I'm sorry for the man who committed suicide, but I'm equally sorry for the animals who had to be killed so they wouldn't terrorize their neighbors in suburban Ohio!!! The fact that the police knew the man had all these wild animals and there was no law preventing it is the most disturbing thing of al view more..

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Supermarket Etiquette II Posted by: VoxFerus

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10 items or less. Ten items or less. Period. The sign doesn't say 10 items or less except for the lady in the purple cardigan with the half-full shopping card, including a dozen cans of cat food. 10 ITEMS OR LESS!!

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Supermarket Etiquette Posted by: Flo

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OK, here are some things everyone who shops should know.


1. If you can't walk and talk at the same time, hang up the phone.


2. If you must stand around chatting with the neighbor you just ran into, get out of everyone else's way. The middle of the aisle is not the best place.


3. If you still haven't figured out how to swipe your credit card, use cash.


4. Return your cart to the return aisle in the parking lot, not blocking my car. And view more..

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Turn Signals Posted by: Gerald

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That little stalk to the left of the steering wheel is called a turn signal. It's used to signal your intention to turn left or right. I had thought everyone learned this in driver's ed but apparently some people either forgot or are too busy to spare the time or effort. Oh, and one desultory click does not count.

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10 to 1 no one notices. Posted by: VoxFerus

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Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman announced they will boycott the Nevada Republican Presidential Candidates Debate, thus reducing the number of viable candidates by none.

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"Compact Car Parking Only" Posted by: Snarky1

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Some people need to learn what a compact car is before they park... Here's a hint: Your Dodge Caravan ISN'T one!

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Class Warfare or Social Injustice? Posted by: VoxFerus

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Throughout the 60's, 70's and 80's the salary of a corporate CEO was 30 to 40 times that of the average worker in a company. Now it is more than 300 times! And CEO's who screw up big time, costing workers their jobs and shareholders (including personal IRA's and 401K accounts) their money, depart with packages worth millions in severance. These CEO's generally aren't the risk-taking entrepreneurs that deserve such returns on their high-risk investments; these fo view more..

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Under Protest Posted by: my two cents

This is a classic!

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Slovakia?? Posted by: VoxFerus

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Let me get this straight. My 401K depends on the Slovakian parliament?!! WTF???!!!

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Nuts To This Posted by: axb227

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When I was a kid I had a friend who was allergic to peanuts. The only reason I know this is because the first time he came over for a "playdate" my mom made us each a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He politely declined simply saying, "no thanks. I'm allergic to peanuts." My mom took the plate, opened a can of tuna, put it on some bread, and the day went on. Now I'm not THAT old, and christ have things changed since then! Last week I was eating peanuts and n view more..

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To Establish Justice and Promote the General Welfare Posted by: VoxFerus

Tea Partiers and Wall Street Occupiers have common interests

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Always Interesting To Revisit BRAT Award Winner Howard Beale Posted by: AdminBRW

The classic rant, with an eerie relevance.

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King Gingrich Posted by: VoxFerus

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In one breath Gingrich criticizes the American education system for producing the Occupy Wall Street Protestors. Minutes later he advocates subpoenaing federal judges to appear before congressional committees, and advocates a president's picking and choosing which laws to enforce. Apparently Gingrich objects to the uniquely American system of separation of powers and checks and balances. He doesn't understand a thing about American exceptionalism. Can't believe view more..

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Wait 'Till Next Year Posted by: Laura

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The "heart of the order" had no heart!!!

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Instant Gratification. Lasting Effects. Posted by: axb227

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Instant Gratification, Lasting Effects. You're on a road trip with friends. Someone references a line from a movie, but no one can remember the name of the actress who played the female lead. You all shout out different (wrong) guesses for hours on end, each person scorching through their brain's reference section trying with all their might to be the one who remembers. "Think harder!" "Don't think about it!" "Whistle to take your mind off it!" So view more..

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Oh No! Sarah, Wont You Please Reconsider?! Posted by: VoxFerus

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Sarah Palin announced that she is not running for President. She doesnt need the title. So that leaves the country all the poorer. A failed vice presidential candidate who quit her job as governor, who exhibits little knowledge of elementary American history or a fundamental understanding of eighth grade civics, who objects to such "gotcha" questions as, What do you read? - she has decided not to accept the title and be our President. How can we afford to lose view more..

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Walk of Shame Posted by: axb227

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A few weeks ago I was on line at CVS (rant on that crap shack to come) and a man in a wheelchair "rolled" up behind me. Since I am practically a saint (and he only had one item-a six pack of beer) I let him go ahead of me. My "please" gesture was followed by his "thank you" nod and everything was going according to plan when all of a sudden...the guy GOT UP and WALKED in front of me pushing his chair as he went. After he paid he then remained standing and pushed view more..

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Security Line Stupidity Posted by: axb227

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Despite what you may think this isn't a rant about the people who work the security lines at the airport...it's a rant about the people ON the security lines at the airport. OK folks, we all know these rules are stupid but your bitching about them isn't going to change them. A bully pulpit is on the no fly list! Shut up, do as they say, and go through the line. Let's break this down even further: 1. Yes you do have to take off your shoes. Why? Becau view more..

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Your Ass Doesn't Look Any Better in Expensive Jeans Posted by: bellamarisa

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Why on earth would anyone spend $275 on a pair of jeans? Whether they're from Express or True Religion, jeans are made in the same sweatshops in Indonesia/China, out of the same freaking material. Yet many women who are so blinded by labels that they can't think straight do not realize this. They've somehow been seduced by marketing that tells them their butt/thighs will look better if they pay more than $80 -- about the current price of jeans at your average mall view more..

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"Your call is very important to us . . ." Posted by: VoxFerus

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Oh yeah??!! THEN ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!!!

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Suzyn Waldman Posted by: my two cents

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SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! With a face for radio and a voice for newspaper--Suzyn (even the spelling of her name is obnoxious) is easily the worst color commentator in baseball. From inappropriately screaming when Roger Clemens announced his Yankee return, to her crying while Bernie Williams played, "take me out to the ball game", to her horrible, hideously thick Boston accent, this woman is far and away the most annoying person in all of sports.

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A saying that should never be said Posted by: my two cents

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When I'm missing an item and furiously looking for it, there's nothing I hate more than when someone says, "It's always in the last place you look." Wow, what an astute observation. Of course it's in the last place I look; once I find what I'm looking for, the search is over so why the f*ck would I keep looking?! Thanks for this worldly advice, but next time do me a favor-- keep quiet and help me look!

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Congratulations Hamdawg!! Posted by: Judge Hugh Tellem

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September comes to an end and its baseball playoff time - as well as time for those teams that didnt make it to lick their wounds, grab their golf clubs, head for warmer climbs and wait for next year. But we love the passion of the disappointed baseball fan, and Hamdawg struck a familiar chord with his rant on "Francona."! Every fan knows how to run a baseball team better than their team ownership, and Hamdawg is no exception. For his passion and commitment, Hamdaw view more..

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